The Mobophiles
The Mobophiles (Click to listen)
You’re walking, talking mobile bores
The ones radiation was invented for
Your life is sad, your world is small
But you want to talk very loudly
and share it with us all
Our conversations once were private,
Now we don’t care who hears us,
We broadcast in the pub,
and on the street and on the bus
We know who’s screwing on the side,
and who’s late for work again
We know you’ve got cystitis
You told us on the train
We heard about the operation
Your sister’s cyst and its complications
How your marriage is on the rocks,
How you fancy your new boss
I know you live in Dartford in a semi,
Your cat’s called Theo
And your period’s heavy
You got the tests back from the labs
You’ve got herpes he’s got crabs
The ones radiation was invented for
Your life is sad, your world is small
But you want to talk very loudly
and share it with us all
Our conversations once were private,
Now we don’t care who hears us,
We broadcast in the pub,
and on the street and on the bus
We know who’s screwing on the side,
and who’s late for work again
We know you’ve got cystitis
You told us on the train
We heard about the operation
Your sister’s cyst and its complications
How your marriage is on the rocks,
How you fancy your new boss
I know you live in Dartford in a semi,
Your cat’s called Theo
And your period’s heavy
You got the tests back from the labs
You’ve got herpes he’s got crabs
You complain about data protection
Yet you shout about your husband’s erections
You say you want your privacy
You share all your intimate moments with me
And everyone else on the 73
You don’t mind who listens
To your mindless chat
About who said this
And who said that
A private handset
Becomes a public megaphone
We all have to listen
While you drone, drone, drone
In just twenty minutes conversation
I’ve got too, too too much information
Your whole life’s tedious story
In all it’s sordid yawning glory
We just want to rabbit rabbit
Airing all our dirty habits
Flapping tongues and idle minds
Sleazy washing on the line
Don’t want to hear it any more
Stamp your phone into the floor
The mobile’s got a lot to answer for
Yet you shout about your husband’s erections
You say you want your privacy
You share all your intimate moments with me
And everyone else on the 73
You don’t mind who listens
To your mindless chat
About who said this
And who said that
A private handset
Becomes a public megaphone
We all have to listen
While you drone, drone, drone
In just twenty minutes conversation
I’ve got too, too too much information
Your whole life’s tedious story
In all it’s sordid yawning glory
We just want to rabbit rabbit
Airing all our dirty habits
Flapping tongues and idle minds
Sleazy washing on the line
Don’t want to hear it any more
Stamp your phone into the floor
The mobile’s got a lot to answer for
